A wild ride

The past few years have felt like an intense rollercoaster ride— one that I never expected to encounter, one that I never quite signed up for. Always felt so indestructible. From the outside, it probably looked vibrant, exciting, full of colour and motion. But beneath that surface, it was also filled with unpredictable twists, sudden drops, and unexpected loops that left me feeling off balance and exhausted.

Every time I thought things were finally going up—when I felt a sense of hope or progress—I would find myself plummeting back down, blindsided by the sudden descent. It felt like being stuck in a cart that was falling apart, the wheels barely hanging on, while I tried to navigate a path I couldn’t see clearly.

There were brief moments when it seemed like the rollercoaster might stop, where I could step off for a bit and catch my breath. But those moments were fleeting. As soon as I thought I’d found a pause, the ride would pick up speed again, pulling me right back into the whirlwind. Just when I thought I could step off, breathe, and find some clarity, the ride would pick up again, sweeping me back into another series of twists and turns. The unpredictability was draining, leaving me unsure of how to regain control or even catch my breath.

I’ve always loved the thrill of life, embracing its ups and downs with a sense of adventure. But this particular ride wasn’t the kind you line up for again and again. It was exhausting. Emotionally, it was like being whipped back and forth between extremes. The highs were exhilarating—full of love, excitement, and moments of joy. But the lows were pretty darn dark, filled with frustration, loneliness, and the kind of exhaustion that seeps into your bones.

Through it all, I’ve had to learn how to hold on when everything feels out of control. I've realised that it’s not just about surviving the rollercoaster—it’s about finding moments of calm within the ride, even when everything is spinning around you. It’s about allowing yourself to feel the highs and the lows, without getting lost in either. And most of all, it’s about understanding that sometimes, the wheels are going to feel shaky, but you can still keep going, even when the path ahead feels uncertain.

This experience has taught me a lot about resilience, about how strong I can be, even when I don’t feel it. It’s easy to look at the surface of someone’s life and think everything’s fine, but underneath, people are carrying their own struggles, their own broken wheels. The truth is, we all have our rollercoasters—sometimes they’re fun, but other times, they’re exhausting, and it’s okay to admit that. It’s okay to want to get off the ride for a while, even if you can’t.

At the end of the day, this rollercoaster has been a part of my journey. And while it hasn’t always been fun, it’s shaped me further, in a good way. It’s forced me to confront challenges head-on, to sit with uncomfortable emotions, and to keep moving forward when I thought I couldn’t. I’m still on the ride, but now, I know I have the strength to hold on—no matter what twists and turns lie ahead.

But now, after all those years of feeling stuck in an endless loop, I’ve finally stepped off that wild ride. I feel rejuvenated, strong, and in control. I’m back on a rollercoaster that’s fun to be on—one with excitement, joy, and a sense of balance. I’ve made it through the chaos, with a renewed sense of purpose and clarity and gratitude.